Dearest Sara,
It's been 4 years and almost 3 months. It hasn't been easy. None of it.

Watching the psycho go after you. Watching him do all those terrible things to you. Watching him take your life. It wasn't supposed to happen.

You were supposed to live the greatest life one could ever live. You were supposed to be here, spreading the word of God to those who may not know. You were supposed to grow up, have a great family, tons of friends, and just be you. But he never gave you that chance.

I'll always remember the times that I'd come visit my family and you were there. I'll always remember the times we spent together, acting like idiots. I'll always remember the way you lived for God, like nothing else mattered in the world. I'll always remember how caring you were when all I needed was just someone who would listen. I'd always do the same for you.

Do you remember the time when we went down to the lake, and I fell into the water? Do you remember how I pulled you in too? Do you remember all the great times we spent together doing normal teenage girl activities: shopping, movies, etc?

I wish I could take it all back. I wish we could spend more time together. I wish that we could both live long happy lives.

Had I known it would be over so soon, I wouldn't have left the house. And I know you wouldn't have either because when we were together, we were inseparable. Had I known this would happen, we would have walked one block farther.

I'd give anything to take it back. I'd give anything to be in your place. I'd give anything to have you here with me.

But it'll never happen. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to take your place, and it's selfish for me to want that. We'll never get to spend all of our weekends together. We'll never get to have the fun we used to have.

It's so hard losing your best friend. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through. It hasn't gotten easier. I just hide it. No one ever understands what I went through. No one ever knew you. If they had, they'd realize why it's so hard.

I'd give ANYTHING to take it back.

"Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. After all this time, you're still with me it's true" - Lonestar

I miss you and love you so much,
Amy

So maybe this'll turn into a once a month deal

I've been feeling terrible, unloved, unwanted, etc... I have been for a while. All summer actually and now here in college it's become even worse. I had a great boyfriend. I come to school and it all fell apart. Those four months, I thought I was truly happy, but something would always come up and change EVERYTHING. Since I've been in college, I've put up a wall around myself that I'm not too sure I want to break down. I'm not letting anyone in. I have made no new friends, and sometimes I think it's because I'm afraid of rejection. I've lost a lot of friends. I don't want that to happen again, so I don't make new ones. This causes me to be lonely and want to make friends and it's just one big circle. I hate it. I've been led to believe that I wasn't meant to be happy. I'll just live with that because there really isn't anything else I can do about it. I can put myself out there, but I'm too shy and too afraid that people won't accept me. After all, I am a minority here. I don't drink and party. Should I start, to make friends? I don't think I should have to do that. I just wish people would accept me for who I am...the shy, lonely person that I am. People just don't see that. Some people can see when there is something wrong with me, but do they bother to help? It doesn't matter though, because I don't want anyone's help. I don't need anybody. I just want to be loved. I want to find someone who will love me for me. Someone who I will fall absolutely head over heels for. Someone who will make the rest of the world seem nonexistant. I guess if I'm waiting for that, I probably shouldn't hold my breath or I'll be dead before it comes.

So as for right now, I'm not going to look for friends, because I fail everytime. If people are seriously interested in becoming friends with me, they can come to me. Same with boyfriends. I'm not looking anymore. I'm done crushing. I know this is college. Time to experiment, but I don't want to experiment. I just want to find the right guy. Is it really that hard?

Anyways, I'm done complaining. Sorry I wasted your time. Don't waste anymore commenting because honestly I probably won't even take into consideration anything you have to say to me.