So maybe this'll turn into a once a month deal

I've been feeling terrible, unloved, unwanted, etc... I have been for a while. All summer actually and now here in college it's become even worse. I had a great boyfriend. I come to school and it all fell apart. Those four months, I thought I was truly happy, but something would always come up and change EVERYTHING. Since I've been in college, I've put up a wall around myself that I'm not too sure I want to break down. I'm not letting anyone in. I have made no new friends, and sometimes I think it's because I'm afraid of rejection. I've lost a lot of friends. I don't want that to happen again, so I don't make new ones. This causes me to be lonely and want to make friends and it's just one big circle. I hate it. I've been led to believe that I wasn't meant to be happy. I'll just live with that because there really isn't anything else I can do about it. I can put myself out there, but I'm too shy and too afraid that people won't accept me. After all, I am a minority here. I don't drink and party. Should I start, to make friends? I don't think I should have to do that. I just wish people would accept me for who I am...the shy, lonely person that I am. People just don't see that. Some people can see when there is something wrong with me, but do they bother to help? It doesn't matter though, because I don't want anyone's help. I don't need anybody. I just want to be loved. I want to find someone who will love me for me. Someone who I will fall absolutely head over heels for. Someone who will make the rest of the world seem nonexistant. I guess if I'm waiting for that, I probably shouldn't hold my breath or I'll be dead before it comes.

So as for right now, I'm not going to look for friends, because I fail everytime. If people are seriously interested in becoming friends with me, they can come to me. Same with boyfriends. I'm not looking anymore. I'm done crushing. I know this is college. Time to experiment, but I don't want to experiment. I just want to find the right guy. Is it really that hard?

Anyways, I'm done complaining. Sorry I wasted your time. Don't waste anymore commenting because honestly I probably won't even take into consideration anything you have to say to me.