Four years, four months, fourteen days.

Isn't it supposed to get easier?

I wake up in the middle of the night probably 3 nights of the week

almost in tears, but i hold them back.

I try to be strong about the whole situation.

I know there is nothing wrong with crying.

I do it enough.

I just miss her so much.

I miss all the random, crazy things we used to do together.

I'll never have that anymore.

I'll never get to do the things WE used to do together

because there is no more WE.

I hate having to go through each day

with this lonely feeling

like nothing is meant to be.

I pray every night

that this will somehow get easier to deal with

but it hasn't.

Christmas is coming up.

I'm going down to the cemetary

and I plan on spending at least an hour there

talking to her about the past

OUR past.

It'll be tough for me,

but it's definitely something i need to do.

I'll always miss her.

Nothing will ever bring her back to me

but I wish that was different.

I can't wait for the day that we are together again

although I don't know when that will be.

I don't want to sound selfish,

but I hope it is soon.

I hope he got what he deserved.

The last 4 years of my life have been nothing but nightmares

because of him.

My best friend is gone at age 15.

She shouldn't have gone

but he had to be a sick sick person

and take her from me.

Do you know how hard it is

to watch your best friend die

when you're only 15?

I love you Sara. You'll always be in my heart.